Hi guys ! So, my vacation is coming to an end, tomorrow we’ll be heading back to The Netherlands. Through Poland and Germany, back to our home. I’ve been looking forward to this vacation for so long. And now that it’s coming to an end, everything hits me. The positive and the negative. See, I finished High School, I got a job now and I’ll be turning eighteen in 24 days. I am so stoked for my new job! I am curious how my co-workers will be like(I’ve heard they’re rather funny). I am also scared that I can’t keep up with the world, which will keep spinning while I’m trying to find my place.
The positive feelings however, are stronger. The whole feeling that ‘I won’t be alone’ is helping me a lot. Recently I’ve been through a lot, mentally. I’ve also ended the contact with my dad, again. A father is Always a father to a child. Just like a mother will Always be a mother. I added my father a while ago because he kept sending me requests. I kept telling my mother I would wait until my school was finished, then I’d delete him. But after a long and good heart-to-heart with a friend of ours, I’ve decided to send my father everything that bothered me throughout the years and the things that still do. In my message I’ve also let him know, that I would give him one more week until I’d permanently delete him off my Facebook.
I felt a lot better after I had sent it, but after a week he still hadn’t replied. So I deleted him and I feel remorseful that yet again, my father didn’t mend what he broke. He (to me) is no longer a father, actually he never was, so I am coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have a real dad around.
I also finished High School and that’s still a big thing. It still has a huge impact on me how good I feel about it. I found out it was something I didn’t really wanted to do, yet I did finished it. Not exactly with honors, like my last school, but I finished it nonetheless. But there is also something big and great waiting around the corner, that’s how I feel that is. The great big ‘Unknown’. I don’t stand alone, but it’s still my battle, my journey and my expectations. Work, adulthood, bills, money, my own place perhaps. All this and more that I cannot predict is waiting for me. In the big Unknown. The world will open entirely for me and it’s a amazing yet scary feeling. But I’m sure I’ll manage , eventually everyone does (:
Thus we come to the title of this post(I am so proper today, aren’t I?). The Ending and the Beginning. Because that is exactly what will happen, or already happenend. I feel, as if my life will start soon. My participation in life and society. I hope that I will finally meet someone who can make my heart beat faster and I hope that I can do the same to his heart. I am at the start of something new. And that asks for a themesong, don’t you think? I know this song is cheesy but I love the cheesy-ness about it. 😉
flawsndstuff 