When you’re here..

Just a few more months. I can hold you again, I can feel your skin against mine again. I can smell your smell again. That smell that only you have. Just a few more months until I’ll be able to touch you again. Cuddle with you again and make weird faces with you again. Until we can joke about lame things again. Be in our own little bubble again. Just the two of us. Together.

If only for a few weeks, I’ll be happy again. Laying next to you again and waking up seeing you as the first person, again. I’ll be content. If only for a little while. I’ve waited so long for this moment. The few weeks before you’ll arrive will be the best because I get to mentally prepare myself for your arrival. Which means a lot of anxiety, but you know.. the good kind. The butterflies in my stomach again, the random giggles and the lip bites because you know I do this when I get anxious. The twinkle will come back into my eyes and I know it’s only for a little while, but really… any amount of time together will make me whole again. We will go to random places, I’ll show you around my country. And yes, even I will be a tourist in my own country for a bit. I’ll hold hands with you again and we will definitely get that couple jewelry when you’re here. I’ve got so much planned for us together when you’re here…. in a few months.

I want nothing more to see you get squeezed by my mother, because believe me, you will. I want to formally introduce you to my parents and see you converse with them, laugh with them, be amazed with them. I want you to be a part of my life even more than you already have been. And you will be… in just a few more months.


10 songs I used to listen to. (what was I thinking?)


Hi guys! So let me paint you a picture of how I wanted to spend my evening. I remembered once seeing a video of how to make your own hologram for a smartphone. I decided to try this out and searched my entire house for a damn CD case(where are those bloody things aymore lately, nobody uses CD’s anymore). Anyways, while I was searching for this, I got distracted. Got distracted big time. I found an old CD of mine in the drawer I was searching in. One I hadn’t touched in yeaaars. On the front of the CD it says: Naomi Music 4 ❤
I ran over to my PC, turned it on, put the CD in and hoped it would still work. Because as you can see on the picture that I took of the CD, it looks like it has been long long loooong forgotten about. I also noticed some scratches on the back of the CD so I almost gave up hope. However, only the FIRST song was messed up. The other 20 songs were completely fine. Now this is a CD that I compiled myself back in the days. Remember? When you found awesome songs you loved and grabbed an empty CD-ROM and started burning songs onto it? Remember when that was still cool? Yeah, me neither. But yeah! We did that in my house a lot, even when it was no longer cool. Including yours truly. And me especially have a soft spot for these CD’s. Because A: I messed up the first 3 CD’s because I didn’t know how to do it properly. And B: because it sort of brings you back to that time period. Where you told yourself: Okay, Naomi.. This is very important. CD-ROM’s aren’t for free, you need to think hard and carefully about your most favorite songs. And those songs will make it to this CD-ROM. So think… think.

And here is where it gets fun. So I listen to the first song, luckily it actually was a song from one of my very very veeery old ‘friends’ that I don’t talk to anymore(they had a band and whatnot). And only that one was messed up, so yay for Karma, amirite?
I continued on to the next 20 songs and low and behold they all brought me back. There was even one of them that made me (silently) scream of happiness. I say silently because by this time it was already after midnight and both my parents are asleep..
I thought it would be fun to tell you guys which songs these were and tell you the backstory of them. No no, not all 20 songs. Just 10 of them. I have no idea how long this post will be. They’re not all extremely old though. I think this CD was from the time when I was about 15 to 16 years old. I say 15 to 16 because I am pretty damn sure I made these CD’s in the house where it was haunted (remember, paranormal storytime video?). And I used to jam to them in my room, where I would be like 99% of the time. SO without further ado, let’s get into the ‘old’ songs.
Also, I listened to the songs before I made this post and it immediately brought me back to the time and the feels. So I will be telling you exactly why these 10 songs made it to this CD.

Track Number 4: The All American Rejects – Gives you Hell
Now THIS song made me laugh so hard. I put this song on the CD because ladies and gentlemen, I had just ‘dated’ (airquotes) ‘dated’ a guy via the internet. COUGH COUGH. And anyways, he was a douchebag. We stopped ‘dating’ and I decided I needed some revenge song to get over him. No, I didn’t send it to him. I just listened to it, on repeat every day. And I’d sing along with the chorus as loud as I could: WHEN YOU SEE MY FACE, HOPE IT GIVES YOU HELL.
Yup, that was me.

Track Number 7: Jennifer Lopez Ft. Lil Wayne – Into You
I remember this was my jam in the summer time of said year and it was on repeat all day every day on the radio. I liked it so much I decided to put it on my CD. That’s all. What, you thought I had a legit reason for every single song on this CD because you can only burn songs onto a CD-ROM once and if you mess it up it’s always going to be on there, so you’d think I’d think more carefully about the songs I’d put on it? …. Yeah…. Well… That is not the case with every song.

Track Number 9: Queen of the Damned – System
Okay, before I move on I know this is actually a song from Korn, however I like the movie version much more. Which is basically Korn and the main actor singing together, I believe? Anyways. Yeah so, I was pretty late to discovering the 2002 movie Queen of the Damned. But when I did finally find it and watched it. I really loved it for some reason. Probably because the main actor, playing the vampire Lestat was so damn gorgeous.. But yeah it was a good movie too. This is the first song you hear in the movie, I’m sure and I somehow loved the sound of it. Even though it has very dark lyrics, like the ‘why won’t you die’ part… Well I’m not always too picky when it comes to the lyrics, if I like the sound, I’ll like the song. What can I say? To be honest, after listening to it again, I still like the sound of the song. I’m really not that picky.

Track Number 10: Linkin Park – Breaking the Habit
So I actually wanted to leave this one for last because it was the one that made me (silently) scream and bop my head to it and feel warm inside. Decided not to however, because it would mess up this list. I am putting the songs down in the correct order and it would just be weird if we went from 16 back to 10. So the heck with it. But seriously.. Breaking the Habit. So I don’t know why but I do remember how and when it started. When I just moved to the city for the first time in my life, when I was about 7 years young. I turned on MTV(way back when MTV still had music on it every day) and this song came on. I watched the video of it and it was drawn in this really awesome way for me and I just remember liking it. I never heard it after that again until way later and I searched for the song. When I finally found it, I loved loved looooved it. I don’t know why, honestly. It’s a song however that I absolutely love, then play too many times over and over again and then forget about it for a few years. Honestly I haven’t heard this song in yeaaars and when it came on my CD I was so happy you guys. You know how sometimes a certain song just brings you back to good memories and just good vibes and makes you feel all happy? That’s what this song does to me, even though it’s not a very beautiful love song or whatever. I just love it. Same goes for Numb, FYI, but that song isn’t on this CD.

Track Number 15: Christina Aguilera Ft. P.Diddy – Tell Me
This song once played when I was in the car with my real father. He always had subwoofers in the back of his car. He was a real sucker for bass and loud music in his car. That’s where I get my love for bass from and loud music as well. So that did rub off on me. Also the deafness in one ear for that matter. But yeah, I heard it with extreme bass in his car when I was younger and I loved it ever since. But only with good bass. When I listenend to it on this CD, with the sound coming from a crappy TV/CD-player it just didn’t give me the same feels. Nonetheless it’s on there so there ya go!

Track Number 16: Paramore – Pressure
I am a huge fan of The Sims franchise. Always have and probably always will. Back when I was 10 my mother had given me my first game console, the GameCube. And with it, she gave me The Sims 2. I didn’t know until years later that one of the songs that played on the radio in the Sims game, was an actual song by Paramore. I basically knew the ENTIRE Paramore song in Simlish, in the Sims 2 GameCube game… That’s how much I played it, and played that song. Though it did sound weird when I first heard the song years later, in English, I still kind of liked it because it brought me back to the time where I’d spend hours on my room, playing on the GameCube, having a blast.

Track Number 17: Rihanna – California King Bed
I was actually surprised hearing this song again after such a while. Because why don’t we hear these kind of songs from Rihanna anymore? You know, when they play ‘older’ songs that artist had made. I mean you do hear Only Girl in the world, why not this one? I honestly haven’t heard this song since I last listenend to it on this CD. Which was back when I was 15/16. To be honest, I still really like it. It’s a vulnerable and yet beautiful song. And I don’t know why those two words were the first one that popped up in my mind to describe it for you guys, but it did. And hey, guess what? I’m going to listen to this one later. Ah, right the reason why it’s on the CD. Well I liked it.

Track Number 18: Shakira – Waka Waka
THIS SONG.. Ohmygoodness. THIS SONG right here. Was played SOOOOO much during the World Championship of soccer in Africa. It was all over the news, everywhere on tv(soccer and this song). Everywhere you went, you’d hear Shakira sing Waka Waka and it would immediately be linked to the big soccer game in Africa. To be honest, sometimes, every now and again this song comes back on the radio. Everytime it does, everyone in my country starts dancing and singing along again. It somehow makes us all very happy. It made me happy and it still does. That’s why it’s on the CD 🙂

Track Number 19: Three Days Grace – Last to Know
Oh god, here comes the emo song. No, I actually wasn’t emo or anything, or at least I don’t think so. But this song is. For sure. Yet it is also still kind of beautiful. I don’t know why. Probably because someone I once knew sent me this song and this person meant a lot to me. The story behind it was personal and it was just a very heavy story, compared with this song, it just brings emotions with it for some reason. To me it still does. Even though it’s years later and I don’t talk to this person anymore. When I listen to it now though, I don’t instantly think of those feelings because they don’t matter anymore. But I think I’ll always gets that heavy feeling when I listen to it, and somehow there’s something about this song that will probably always draw me to it.. every once in a blue moon.

Track Number 21: Within Temptation – What have you done
So I know Within Temptation actually has a lot of other (more beautiful) songs, however I decided to go for this one. I can’t remember exactly why I did it. If I had put ‘Stand my Ground’ on it, I’d know, because that was the first song I heard of the band. However, I chose this one. This, so-so one. This, I kind of regret putting this as the last track of the CD-one. Because you’d think the last one would be the best, but nope. You’re wrong. I was probably just sick and tired of the time I had to wait to burn the songs onto the CD-ROM, but still wanted to fill up the CD with 21 tracks because I somehow had set that number as my go to limit for CD’s. Probably ran out of ideas. So here ya go. A Dutch rock band singing a song with some other guy that I don’t know.

Well guys, I hope you enjoyed this totally random blogpost of mine. It wasn’t at all prepared. Like I said, I completely got distracted while trying to create a DIY-hologram thingamajigger for your smartphone. I totally ditched the idea of creating that by the way. Will proooobably go to sleep right after I post this hahah.
I didn’t put all the songs on here because it would simply be too long and to be honest, the songs that I skipped in here were just either: too boring or too embarrasing for me to mention. So I won’t 😉
Have a great day, I will go sleep and see you guys later


New Years Video!!!

Hi guys! So a few things before I start this video.

Number 1: The sound quality kind of sucks in the beginning of the video but around 1 minute, it gets better. I had my headphones plugged into my iPad and forgot to take it out whilst recording the first bit of the video. The headphones were behind me on the bed(silly drunk Naomi me) and I only noticed until later.
Which brings me to number 2: When I was making this video I honestly thought the alcohol I had that day did not affect me whatsoever, except making me tired. Right now, 2 days later, sober awake Naomi can detect some tipsy-ness in there. Honestly I might even be actually drunk there. I haven’t figured it out yet…
And lastly, number 3: I know this video may seem pointless and even boring to you guys. I am not really making that much sense, I’m taking off my make-up while talking to you guys. I even didn’t want to upload it to my blog until about 30 minutes ago, I however decided to do it anyways. As it truly and officially is my very first video of 2017.

So last minute I decided to edit it, and now it’s on here for you guys to see. I PROMISE that starting….. soon(soon may be in a few weeks though), I will start my normal blogposts again and my more normal videos. So no more vlogs, since that’s what I’ve been doing mostly lately. Like I feel the last couple of videos I made were last minute videos, and videos that I didn’t think through like I did with for example my “Retail Rant” video. My recent videos have been just kind of me talking about something but rambling more like and I don’t know. Let’s just say I’m not PROUD of those videos hahaha, however the last month of 2016 was extremely messy for me. Example; me working non stop, barely having any free time at all, and just last minute doing everything with my blog. It really isn’t easy having a job and a blog at the same time :c
I of course don’t know what 2017 has to offer me, work related. So I don’t know how much spare time I will get, however this week starts off pretty relaxed and I hope it kind of stays this way for at least a few weeks so I can maybe think of a good video/blogpost to work on for y’all 🙂

I also feel like I keep apologizing for the videos I put on my blog and I need to stop doing this because I do get a fair amount of likes from you guys and I just need to stop apologizing ^^
Now, this was almost an entire blogpost on it’s own so I’m sorry for this, continue on to the video and thank you guys, as always 🙂

Changing my name?

Hello lovelies! So this will be my official first post of 2017 and I wanted to talk to you guys about something I’ve been thinking of for a while now. It’s non LDR related so this is just about myself and something I want to do. This current moment I don’t have the means for it yet nor am I a 100% sure about this yet. Let’s talk about it though..

My whole life I’ve been this one person, a girl with a family name. A family name tied to that part of the family tree. My name will always be part of this family tree. My last name. Which I will not name on this blog because for now I don’t see the need to mention my full name on here 🙂
I have my father’s name. Both my first and last name are his, by “my first name is his” I mean he came up with it. The thing is however, my real father has not been a father to me. I could go into detail and tell you all about my real father but it would take me a few posts so I won’t.
I have however given my father plenty of chances to redeem himself and believe me when I say that this idea I have in mind is not just something I want to do on a whim. I honestly have very good reasons why I want to do this. So what do I want to do? – I want to change my last name. I want to change my last name to my mother’s last name. If I want I can even pick my late grandmother’s name but I will most likely pick my mom’s. A few reasons as to why I want this:
– I don’t want my future children to be in any way shape or form linked to my real father. He wasn’t interested in being a father so why would he be interested in being a grandfather some day?
– I don’t want to carry his name anymore. To me a last name means you’re carrying on a “legacy” of someone, of a family(tree). I don’t want to carry his name on through my family tree.
– I would much rather carry on my mother’s family name, so that one day after she passes away, my children and maybe my grandchildren will carry on her name. Which to me, is something honorable.

Since my father has no other children and never wanted one after me, I am the last one in line who carries his name. If I stop carrying his name, it will cease to exist after he passes away. I do have other family members but they all married and changed their names or they are married into the family with that name. But I am officially the last one in line with the name, carried with me from the day I was born. Because it will cease to exist after he passes away, I am a bit iffy about doing it. It almost feels like the biggest betrayal and also feels like I would deny his name to be carried on, as it would feel dishonorable. Then again, I do have very good reasons why I want to do this and what he did to me isn’t exactly honorable neither.

Another reason why I’m still unsure of this decision is the following: Let’s pretend my last name is “Dutchie” , my entire life I have been Naomi Dutchie and all of a sudden I would ‘no longer be that person’. I would change my last name and to me that’s a very big decision. Of course I would still be the same person I am today, but I hope you guys get what I am afraid of. Also changing your last name comes with a few cons.

First of all, it’s not cheap. I will need 800 euro’s to change my last name.
After that, my father will personally receive a letter stating that I want to deny his last name and want to change it to another.
He could complain and try to ‘stop’ me from changing my last name, but I highly doubt he would and even if he would, he’d need a very legit reason. Which he doesn’t have. Or anybody else for that matter. Then it would still take weeks, months even before my name would be officially changed. I would need an actual permission from the King of the Netherlands himself and my family could still try and stop me(once again, they’d need a legit reason). When I told my mother about this, the only thing she said was: “If you do change your name however, you will not receive any of his money once he passes away. You will only receive a small amount of it, as inheritage because you’re his only child, but you will never receive all of his money. That will then go to his family.” I told her I didn’t want his money to begin with. I might even decline the small amount of money I’d get because I’m his only child. My father isn’t poor, he makes quite a good amount of money. But I don’t want it. He’s never been there for me, why take it? It would feel wrong in my eyes. Because it’s not given to me because he wanted to, because he wants me to use it, because of good intentions. It would only be given to me because officially I am his only child and therefore the goverment thinks I should at least receive a part of his money(inheritage). My stepdad said I was stupid for saying this but I still stand by that decision, IF I were to actually DO change my last name in the end. Because as I said before, I’m still unsure.

I will need to think long and hard about this decision but luckily there’s no time limit on it. I still have enough time and I might even wait until TY is here so I can discuss it with him. Get his opinion on the matter. Maybe some of you guys can give me your opinion about it too? I would absolutely appreciate it if y’all did that for me 🙂 If so, I will definitely bring it with me into my final decision. Who know’s? Maybe it won’t happen for another year, but I need to start thinking about this now 🙂 I wanted to share this with you all because this blog isn’t only about my LDR(mostly it is, of course) but it’s also about me in general. My life, some of the struggles, the thoughts that go through my mind from time to time. And I want you guys to be a part of that ♥ Let me know what you think, I’ll get back to living my life for now and grinding my gears some more about it. Also, stay tuned for a video ^^

My last update until “next year” ;)

Hi guys! First things first! Yeah it is gonna happen. TY is coming to visit me next year, I was hoping to have more details but alas.. We have to wait until he gets back to University to know when he’ll come visit and for how long.. but regardless he is coming and not for the two months as I’ve mentioned in the crazy excited ldr update video. I had an idea that that would be too good to be true and I was right. So basically he gets a total of two month of summer vacation. But that’s in general, he however, will only get about three, maybe four weeks off in total. Just like it is over here. But however long he’s coming to stay, he IS coming! Reason it took me so long to make this update is because I just had a very busy week behind me, regarding work and I was hoping to get a calmer week this time but sadly that isn’t the case. I still work quite a lot this week but I hope the end is coming… because honestly I’m lazy and tired. Hahah

So with that out of the way I just wanted to say that I hope you all have had a great Christmas. It’s sad to see that George Michael passed away on the first day of Christmas but apart from that my Christmas was lovely and wonderful. I truly hope each and every one of you had a similar Christmas experience this year 🙂 We are now coming near the actual end of 2016. As a matter of fact it’s only 4 days away now. 2017 is upon us guys. I also wanted to take the time and reflect a little bit on my blog. I am currently typing this on my iPad and it’s not quite convenient so I will try to keep it short. Basically in my “my 2016 in less than 30 minutes” video, I talked a lot about my private life. My life outside of this blog. However, there have been some great changes with my blog in this year as well. In 2016, July to be exact. Exactly three years after I started this blog, I decided to start with a clean slate. I deleted most of my old blog posts, gave my blog a new look and changed my name and everything.

Before I was flawsndstuff the hopeless romantic in a LDR sharing her stories, I was an almost 18 year old girl that typed a lot about day to day stuff. WordPress for me was an outlet (if you’re wondering about the whole story I suggest you watch my “TMI Tag” video). I had gained a few followers here and there but it didnt really kick off yet. Now, three years later I have gained some awesome followers on here. Including another LDR couple I even have on social media. I follow them and I see another side of another LDR relationship and I truly wish them all the best ^~^ !

Not only that but I have gained a 100 followers and to me that’s a lot. I do appreciate each and every one of you who follows me, reads my posts, watches my stupid videos and comments. I always try to reply to comments as well to make sure you guys know I’m not just an a-hole with a blog :’)

I’ve come quite far, further than my 18 year old self in 2013 and as I said before I appreciate all the support I get from you guys ❤ We all write and make videos because we want to share things with others, and actually having “others”(you guys) checking it all out is amazing! So thank you all for this, once again and let’s continue on in 2017. In case I don’t make another post until “next year” , wink wink nudge nudge 😉      I wish you all a happy new year and let’s make it a good one ! XOXO

Naomi ~


Hi guys!!! Real quick before you watch this video, and this is after I edited it; I did not edit too much of my mistakes out of this video. Actually I left in a few very bad(or at least I consider them bad) bloopers and mistakes I ALWAYS make when making a video. Which is basically me stumbling over words, stuttering and just completely failing at speaking English. I have two reasons for that. 1 is because like I said, I wanted to keep it as raw and crazy as possible so you guys could see, feel and hopefully understand how crazy excited I am. Therefore showing a very human side of me you might not have seen before 🙂
2 is because I thought it would be funny to you guys maybe. For me very cringey after I see the end result but hopefully funny to some of you hahah.

BUT ENOUGH with the text, let’s get into the video. If you want to know what the crazy excited LDR update is, then by all means watch me try and explain it to all of you ! :3
Thank you guys and I’ll see you next time xoxo


Montage Video!!

Wow wow wow!! Two videos in 2 days?! This is insane, Naomi. Don’t do this to us anymore!!
Well, yeah.. I hope you guys enjoy this small montage video. The only way I can do ‘small’ videos is when it’s a montage 😉
Thanks again for following me this year, thanks for watching my weird self and just all in all thanks for all the love and support you’ve been giving me ♥