Thoughts..

As I am walking through the subway station, I see many people pass me by. I see a guy with slicked back blonde hair and a skateboard underneath his arm. I see a woman dressed to the nines, waiting for someone near the bakery in the station. Eventually as I’m walking further towards the right platform my eye catches a little hand. A little hand holding a fidget spinner. I follow the hand and see a cute chubby boys face. He brings the toy to his cheeks and spins it against them. Then I see him put it close to his ear and listening to the sound of it. He almost walks into a wall but quickly dodges that. Then I wonder: why are you all alone here kiddo? Where’s your parent?
Then I hear her: “come here!” I follow the voice and see a woman in shorts and a tanktop. But what I notice most is what the woman does immediately after: her vision disappears into the phone that she’s holding. As I pass her by I can sort of make out what it is she’s doing. I see a group chat of funny emojis and I see her tapping away on her screen furiously. I look back at the little boy, whom I see taking a peek at his mother, then quickly shifting his gaze back to the fidget spinner. The first thing that I think of is: Yeah, by all means don’t pay attention to your little one as you can’t seem to pay anything any mind besides the group chat with possible friends. It angers me.

Then I remember seeing these kind of cases before. Where I can only think: poor child.
About two years ago I saw a young mother gettingΒ  on the same bus I was on. She came in with a stroller, and I saw a teeny tiny baby in it. I smiled right away because I want a mini me of my own, real bad. She too was holding her phone while getting on. She checked in and put the baby stroller in the reserved spot for it. She then sat down and all the while not taking her eyes off of her phone screen. What she was doing, I don’t know. At that moment I didn’t really care because all I was doing at that time, was stare at the little one in the stroller. Seemingly sound asleep. Just like myself, everyone in the bus was in love with the little bundle of joy. Everyone except the mother…
The bus driver stepped on the brake because some madman cut him off. The stroller jerked and tipped over. The baby came rolling out, onto the disgusting floor of the bus. It started crying loudly. Everyone in the bus gasped and stood up in some sort of reflex, for the little one. Including me. The mother put her phone away for theΒ  first time, picked up the crying helpless infant and started rocking it. Looking around in shame.

That’s when I thought: Yes, now you care. Now when you realize you haven’t cared before because you were too busy with your phone. You’re a mother. You and a lot of other women I see. But your phone seems more important.

Until your kid gets hurt. Or almost walks into a wall at the subway station.
God, what I’d do if I had a little one of my own like you. I know for sure though, that unlike you, I wouldn’t have eyes for anything or anyone other than that bundle of joy.

41 days.

Hi guys! Yes, yes. I am NOT dead. I repeat: I am NOT dead.
I wish I could tell you I’ve been on a cruise around the world, or seen the Himalayas and went hiking on Mt.Everest. But no, sadly, it would be lies. To be real honest with you all, nothing too exciting has been going on in my life at the moment. I’ve been working mostly, on my days off I’ve picked up old games I used to play on my Steam account. I’ve been binge watching movies. I’ve ordered more food than that I made it myself. I’ve been talking every day to the sweetest guy ever. Been trying to pin down the actual day of his arrival. Because even though I have told you last time, that we had a date… My boyfriend wouldn’t be my boyfriend if he wasn’t vague and not (so) caring about the actual arrival.. But I still love him, though! πŸ˜‰ As the title already says, it’s now ONLY 41 days left.. Today. For me the count down has finally started. I can finally say that yes, now I am truly counting down. Before I knew he was coming but when and what time, I wasn’t too sure yet. I still feel pretty surreal about it all. Yes, I am counting down. Yes I know that he really IS coming in 41 days.. But I don’t believe it has dawned on me fully yet. But that might still happen the last couple of days πŸ™‚ No doubt about it!

But also, today at work, I told my coworker about it and it made me think. We went from: “I’ll see you in 2 years.” to “I’ll see you in 41 days.. that’s really fast actually.” Which is an amazing feeling. We actually survived that dreadful ‘one year of doom’. It’s really been two years since I last held him. Since I last kissed him. Since I last laid next to him, watching the Pink Panther in Taiwan on a tropical rainy day.
And now it’s finally time soon, and I know three weeks is nothing compared to the time we’ve been apart. But I am too glad I’ll be spending ANY time with him at all soon. I know that the time will fly by, as everyone loves to point out to me already(before he’s even arrived). Yet I still dream, no long… for that day of arrival. I cannot wait, truly. I have missed him so much. Damn, I’m actually getting emotional typing this. Yep, it’s starting to dawn a bit more than say, two weeks ago. I love him so much. I can’t wait. And I want to share as much as I can with you guys.. When the time is right. I hope you guys are as excited for his arrival as me πŸ™‚

Thanks for sticking with me, guys ! xoxo

~ Naomi

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Good memories are linked to these..

Hello lovely people, I’ve had this idea in my mind for a while now but I wasn’t sure if it was going to make an interesting post. Then tonight, after work, I decided to listen to some songs again and figured: yep. I’m gonna do it.

So basically, since there’s about four months left until TY comes to visit me I thought it was the right timing for this as well. In 2015, when I was on my way to Taiwan in the plane I tried everything to pass the time. 18 hours is a long time and the first flight was 16 hours.
On the first flight I tried to watch movies, then turn them off after 20 minutes. I tried to catch up on some sleep, but the flight was too loud for me to doze off. I tried to play games on the tv thing in the chair infront of me, but didn’t quite get the games. Eventually on my last flight which took about 2 more hours I found music on the tv. I was like; Hell yes! Songs. I had brought my own headphones but decided to use the airline’s headphones instead. Yes yes, I know, all very important information! (jokejoke)

I stumbled upon a lot of Taiwanese songs but luckily also a mix of English songs. I played it, and there were a few songs I didn’t like. But to me it felt like listening to a radio. Occasionally I would doze off a bit, because I was now used to the noise of the plane.
And I don’t know if you guys believe in this, or feel the same way about this.. But for me, some songs are attached to memories. Meaning that, if something happy or sad happenend and there was a song playing during that very moment, I’ll relive those memories, feelings and emotions when I hear that song again. I’ve done blogposts like these before, where I shared songs and tell you guys about them. And darn it, I’ll do it again! Hahah πŸ˜‰

All of these songs were immediately added to my phone’s music list as soon as I got home, apart from 1 song in this mix, because it took me AGES to find out what the song was.

Number 1: Maroon 5 – Sugar

This was probably the first song on that mix, that I remember and stuck with me. I liked it so much that when we were descending towards Taiwan’s airport, I replayed it all the way until I landed. Which made this song feel so good for me. Just imagine: you’ve had a terribly long flight behind you, you’re about to meet the person you’ve had a crush on for months. Also, this is the first time you’ve ever flown and you’re about to land on the other side of the world. All of this already is a good mix for a happy memory. BUT, that’s not all. Then imagine that for the entire flight you’ve seen nothing but darkness or clouds and then finally you see a tropical island infront of you. And nothing but sunshine and ocean attached to this beautiful Island. You’re slowly descending even more and you can see the island from up close while Maroon 5 – Sugar is playing. All of that happiness, all of the excitement and the happy tune of this song, make for a lovely memory attached to this song ^_^

Number 2: Jennifer Lopez – First Love

Now this song I actually didn’t know until I heard it on the plane. It was part of a ‘Woman Power Mix’ or something on the plane and I didn’t quite like it the first time. But when I replayed it a few times, I started to love it. Little did I know that in Taiwan, in the cabs, this song was also played quite a lot. So I kept on hearing this song throughout my stay in Taiwan. When I got home I loved it to the point of listening to it over and over and over..- Until I got sick of it. Which is, what I always do with songs that I like. But even now, if I listen to it again it reminds me of that ONE night in the cab with TY. We were driving in the dark, middle of the night, he was holding my hand in the backseat of the cab car. We were headed towards a park in Kaohsiung to just chill and take in the scenery.. In the middle of the night, but who cares. Funny how songs and memories work out that way.

Number 3: The Weeknd – Earned It.

So this song and the next are from the same movie and believe me when I say it’s not intentional. It just so happenend to be two very popular songs, this being one of them. Since Fifty Shades of Grey had just recently come out in cinema’s. And it was played a LOT. But also on the plane, in my mix. This song doesn’t particularly remind me of ONE scenario while I was there. However it is still part of that plane flight and part of the mix. And no matter what, it brings me back to the plane. And all of that excitement I felt when I was approaching Taiwan for the very first time.

Number 4: Ellie Goulding – Love me like you do.

Alright now THIS song… I had already heard a thousand times before I went to Taiwan. ItΒ was my all time favorite right before, during and after my visit to Taiwan. Of course I was in love with TY and this song just .. I don’t know, made me feel even more hopelessly in love with him. It was just one of those songs that you just FELT and understood, somewhere deep down in your heart, at a time where it’s just too perfect not to listen and sing(awfully) to it. I have actually replayed it so much, I can’t stand to listen to it now. But for this post I have just once and I felt the love. And now I can actually relate even more to this song.. but, still: I’ve replayed it too much :c

Number 5: Keira Knightley – Lost Stars.

This song, was the HARDEST to find. Let me explain the entire sad and very frustrating tale of this song. So, I was on the plane and I was dozing off. In my half asleep-half awake mode, I had heard this. It was very relaxing and I liked it. Eventually, the mix had started over and replayed. Once I was more awake, I heard it again. I remember looking out the window of the plane when it was playing. I saw nothing but clouds, all around me. I thought at first it was a very weird song, now that I was more awake and could actually pay attention to the song. So anyways, the trip is over, I go back home and like I mentioned before I added all of the songs above to a playlist on my phone. I remembered this song but I couldn’t think of the name! For the life of me, I could NOT remember the lyrics right, the melody kind of, and don’t even get me started about the singer. All I remembered was: “and this lamb is on the run”. THAT WAS IT. I Googled that line over and over again, tried humming what I remembered of the melody of the song and asked for help but no. Nothing came up. Eventually, when I started working at the other job for six months(in February 2016!!!!) I was walking around the store, as usual, not doing anything because I had nothing to do. The radio was always on in that store so I would just walk around and listen to the music. All of a sudden, I HEARD IT! I heard the song!!! It was the best feeling ever. I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote down the lyrics of the chorus, afterwards the radio host named the artist and name of the song, which I of course also wrote down. When I got home that day, I searched it on YouTube and immediately added it to all my lists/mixes and playlists everywhere I could. No way I was forgetting it again! It took me MONTHS to figure it out, it was the most aggravating search of a song I’ve ever had in my life!! Of course I would’ve never thought of Kiera Knightley because I didn’t even knew she COULD sing in the first place. Nonetheless this song is known for THAT reason, but also because even though I didn’t quite know what to think of it at first, I’ve come to love it. I love how vulnerable it sounds to me, how petite and … just like the odd one out. It doesn’t sound like any song I would normally listen to but I love it regardless.

Number 6: Chef’Special – In your Arms.

This was a song I heard on the plane but only once. I actually have a video somewhere on my Instagram where I lipsync to it, which was made right after I came home from Taiwan. It reminded me just so much of TY. In his arms I did feel safe. However, a few months later I was listening to it on my way to work and I couldn’t help but feel like this song wasn’t actually made to be a love song. More so, a … sad song? After that I felt a bit conflicted about the song. I still loved it, don’t get me wrong. But if it was indeed meant to be a sad song(I still haven’t Googled that or anything), I just felt weird listening to it, thinking of TY and I. I don’t know, maybe that’s just the weird person I am. If I ever figure it out, I’ll let you all know!

And lastly..

Number 7: Bright Eyes(Cover) – First day of my life.

Every now and again I’ll find a cover of an original song, come to love that cover of it, then refuse to listen to the original because: the cover is already better to me. Even before I’ve heard the original song.. Yup, told ya I was weird πŸ˜‰
Anyhow, I found this song through a video of a YouTuber and I loved it right away. However, once I had TY as my boyfriend this song just spoke to me even more than it did before. So this song was actually not first heard on the plane, but actually once I got home. Just like the Lost Stars song, I felt like this one was a bit odd compared to the others. Maybe because it’s a cover, and the way the sound is in the video, nonetheless, I love it. Even now, occasionally I’ll listen to it and love it all over again. It just speaks to me when I think of my relationship.

Maybe one day I’ll turn all of these songs into an actual ‘Mix’ for TY and I to listen to. But for now, it’s just here for all of you and for myself. To never forget a song, and to listen to them all over again until I get sick of ’em πŸ™‚

Thanks for listening, reading and being here with me. I hope you guys liked my little sharing of songs. Maybe you’ll even come to love some of them ^_^
Have a nice weekend guys!! XOXO

The “gift” of love ;)

Hi guys! I FINALLY got the gift I wanted for TY and myself πŸ™‚
Hence the “gift” of love title for this post. I waited for hours for this video to render. It’s 2 AM right now so I will be posting the video, then heading straight to bed haha. Because this girl got work next thing in the afternoon. I hope you guys like the video, I was really just popping by to tell you guys about this. I reaaally like the idea for our gift. Sadly I will not be able to give it until he’s actually here. But, I got patience and determination. I’ll need that last a whole lot, since I’m terrible with keeping gifts a secret hahaha.
Thanks for following me and thanks for watching :3

XOXO

 

Learning every day! (LDR)

If my LDR posts can help anybody out, I am already happy enough. Before I was in one, I used to read up on them as well. I’d just randomly Google ‘Long distance relationship’ and I’d usually end up on someone’s WordPress reading about their stories. So that’s sort of what I want to do for others as well. That’s what I want to do with my blog. Not every time, but every one in a while I’ll make a post about tips and tricks for a LDR. Now this post is not really a tip and trick kind of post, more so a post where I explain some of the things I’ve realized along the way. I’m not there yet, but it might help someone else out. Maybe someone who is not in a LDR will read this and go: alright, doesn’t sound that bad.

I used to be someone who said: “I will never do a long distance relationship. I can’t do it. I cannot be apart from my boyfriend for so long, I don’t have the money for it, nor do I have the will power for it all. If you want to go through it, be my guest. But I can never do it.”
Ahem… Here we are, like four years later and I’m in one myself. I realized: Yes, I can do a long distance relationship. I don’t make tons of money but I am still able to make it work with what I do have. It just takes more time. And will power? Boy, I have enough will power for the both of us if he didn’t have it.
So let me share some things I’ve realized along the way, up until this point. Some things might only be things I realized and maybe someone else will read this and go: Nuh-uh, not for me. Some things might be very obvious things to some. But may be something new to others. In any way, here it goes.

#1; You are GLUED to your phone. Your phone will be your best friend, it will be with you from the moment you wake, to the moment you pass out in your bed. Or wherever you pass out, I don’t judge πŸ˜‰
This may seem obvious but sometimes I just think about that for a moment and go: Damn, I cannot leave my phone alone for longer than 40 minutes. I always check: is he up, has he read it yet, when was he last online, is he busy, did he say something. It’s always on me. Your phone is portable so that’s most likely the only thing you have that represents the communication with your partner. It’s the ONLY thing you have, that you CAN have with you at all times to be able to talk to them.

#2; Either one of you is always even a little sleep deprived.
This one doesn’t count for everyone because you may be in a LDR but still live in the same timezone. However for TY and myself, there’s a 6-7 hour difference. And anybody who has a bigger time difference than.. let’s say three hours, will get me on this one. Either you, your partner or even the both of you, will always be sleep deprived. Either you stay up for them, or they stay up for you. Or both. Anyway, sleep is not that important to you when you’re in a LDR.

#3; I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again: in a long distance relationship you are always, every day, confronted with your feelings and emotions. I honestly never thought it would be such a big deal. I always thought it would just all happen and my emotions and feelings wouldn’t really matter all that much. Oh, was I wrong for thinking that. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much ‘infront’ of someone I cared about. I don’t think I’ve ever thought so much about my feelings, as I do now. It can really suck but it can also be beautiful. Because once you both finally show that vulnerable side of yourselves to the other, you just feel so… understood. You feel like you’re both in it for the same reasons and you’re both struggling with it sometimes. You feel whole.

#4; Sometimes you can’t help but feel like you live in this bubble. What I mean by that is that most people around you do not and sometimes will not ever, understand you. They can’t understand your situation, they won’t understand it.. and it always kind of makes you feel distant from everyone else. Because when they talk about their husbands/boyfriends coming home and doing this and that, you can’t talk with them. But they can’t do the same with you. If you’re talking to them about something your partner has done for you, while being so far away from you, they just never really totally get it. And it’s not something that makes me feel terribly sad or anything, just every now and again.. you kind of feel like you’re alone in this bubble with your partner.

#5; You have to explain the same thing to everyone, over and over and over and..-
I think I have explained my situation to my coworkers and people around me a thousand times now. I have explained everything there is to (currently) know about me, him, us together, my feelings, his feelings, our feelings, our relationship and our plans for the future. However, every single damn time, the same people have the same questions for me. And I wonder: do you just not listen to what I’m saying, or do you just don’t get it? And part of me doesn’t mind because I get to sometimes educate people about it since there is always that ‘stigma’ about meeting people online and then dating them long distance. However, another part of me is getting kind of sick and tired of the repetitiveness that I face every day with people around me. This also ties in slightly with the previous point mentioned.

#6; People are always going to judge the hell out of you.
Case and point the stigma I was talking about. Just… always the judging from everyone. I was even a bit dissapointed when I was judged by a family member(not my parents, FYI) because I honestly thought out of everyone, they wouldn’t do such a thing.

#7; Prepare yourselves before you get yourself into a LDR because you’re always going to have to fight for what you stand for/what you want.
With judgemental people and the constant struggle of explaining everything over and over again, comes the energy you’ll need to fight for it all. People are going to try and drag you down, talk you out of it all, and make you feel like what you’re doing is weird and not right. It is right, I’m just not following the ‘social norm’. The social norm we all have to follow is: school, work, a house, find a loving husband/wife in your own country that’s the same race as you and then marry, have babies and die. What if I don’t want to follow that goddamn(sorry) norm you are following? What if I do it all the same, just different from you? I always have to tell them I’ll not back down. I’ll keep going until I’ve reached the end. I have to always tell people that: Yeah I do not know what the future brings but I sure as hell won’t give up and never figure that out.

It’s just a never ending struggle. However, it’s the best cause I’ve ever faught for πŸ™‚
These may not all apply to everyone who reads this. But it might help someone out. I know for a fact that if I read these kind of things before I got into a LDR, it would help me. It would let me know beforehand: okay, this will not be easy, it will be tough as hell but I’m going all in for it.
Before, I’m not saying now, but before when I randomly stumbled upon a blog of someone who was in a LDR, I never saw the ‘bad’ side of it. Couples were always putting it on a pedestal and saying ‘Oh it’s great, the best thing ever to happen to me.’ and now I get that part of course! But where was the bad? Why did they leave that out. I always think: you need to be prepared for everything, also the worst. Now, I did find a lot of bloggers in a LDR that say that: no, it’s not always easy and it’s awful at times to go through it without your partner right next to you.
But back then, 2010/2011, I didn’t find that on here. So here is my point of view. And take it or leave it πŸ™‚ Judge it all you want but I love my LDR. Flaws and all.

The never ending fear that is a LDR.

Hello lovelies!
So with the vacation time approaching and me being one day away from actually pinning down the date of TY’s arrival in my country, I thought I’d update y’all on everything. Since I’ve been gone for a bit, but believe me: I haven’t been sitting still!

So a week ago, TY and I had another major talk over videocall. I didn’t post about it because the whole thing kept me sleep deprived for another two days and I had the biggest headache ever. Even though it was all resolved after that huge call we had, it stuck with me for two days. I was happy the headache’s were finally gone, and also: work, of course. It kept me all very busy. Not only that, but for the past months I’ve been stressing out over the “Date”. The date on which he’ll arrive. Because my work kept pushing me because they wanted a date before the end of February so they can plan the schedules ahead of time for the summer. Which I totally get, however, I only hoped they kind of kept in mind that my situation isn’t that easy. Since TY had to wait until his semester started before he could ACTUALLY give me a proper date. Today, he’s finishing up with the final touches on that and tomorrow I’ll pin down(hopefully) the actual date at work.

So for quite a while I was worried about two major things: the vacation and the ‘future'(I’ll get to that point later). The vacation is coming up first so I thought I’d discuss this with him first.
Because, as much as TY loves me and I love him… In some ways, he’s too….. ‘lohas’.
So what TY explained to me about being ‘lohas’ is that it’s sort of a way of life. Don’t worry about too much, just live your life and things will happen when they happen. Yada-Yada. Anyhow, he’s very zen. Like 9 out of 10 times. I, however am always thinking about everything. I want to plan things way ahead of time so I can make sure it’s all set and I don’t have to worry about it, last minute. Most of the time, that clashes with TY’s zen attitude. Or his Lohas attitude. I love him for it, but sometimes it annoys me. I accept him for who he is entirely, though and I will never judge him for it. It’s just something that clashes every now and again. When it came down to the vacation he just didn’t seem to get how important it is for us over here(my family, my work and me) to know an actual date. I’ve been explaining why for ages to him but it never really got through to him. He was always so laid back about it. Two weeks ago during a work meeting though, my boss told me yet again she needed an actual date from all of us, including yours truly, before the 16th of February. So on Monday last week, I thought it was time for me to get real serious with TY, since we still didn’t know ANYTHING. I had to push him, and push him hard to start realizing that this was it. Either he lets me know a date before the 16th or he can’t come visit me because I won’t have a vacation. Or I will have one, but during the time he doesn’t have one. We finally came to a conclusion yesterday that it will be July. The beginning of July until the last week of July, if that’s possible for me at work of course. Though I don’t really think that it will be, since my boss even told me personally that if the vacation is in July, I can even take four weeks vacation leave if I wanted to. So as I said before, I will (hopefully) pin down that date tomorrow at work.

So last week on Monday after that talk we had, we hung up, he went to take a shower and do laundry and I sat down feeling pretty good about it all. My mother wanted to have a talk with me. Oh geez, here we go. Now, my mother mentioned her concerns about us and our future. Because TY is now 24, by the time he’ll finish his University education he’ll be 26. We still didn’t have it figured out who was going to move where. I had told him of course I wasn’t going to leave my mother behind in my country, but he still had high hopes about me taking my stepfather and mother there to live with us in Taiwan. I however, still didn’t say ‘no’. To his requests of me moving there because we never really had the talk about: Okay, now it’s serious, who’s going to move where? Of course my mom’s concerns were mine as well. I totally got what she was saying but I told her why I hadn’t been initiating the conversation yet. TY had to go to Mandatory millitary service which took away 1 year of our planning etc. That’s not his fault of course, but we do miss 1 year. It’s sort of like, in that one year you can’t really plan anything, other than a vacation for when he’s out. So that’s the first point. The second one is that during his time in there I never really wanted to discuss serious topics with him. By now I kind of know what makes TY tick and what doesn’t. I know that if he’s in that situation(millitary) he doesn’t really feel good about anything. He hates it there, he’s always complaining about it(I totally get it) and all in all he likes to talk about ‘good’ subjects to help lift his spirit. I can totally agree with that, if I were in his place, I wouldn’t like to talk about serious deep topics. Because the whole situation already sucks, I’m already not having a good time and those kind of topics may make me worry about things I don’t want to think of right now.

However, we needed to talk. Again. So I told him about my mothers concerns and he called me. By that time it was already midnight for him and I just told him what my concerns were as well. I asked him: what are we going to do? Where are we going to live? What’s the plan for the future. Because in a LDR you have to move quicker than ‘regular’ couples. Meaning, that (airquotes) “regular” couples spend a few years constantly around each other and then decide: hey let’s move in together. Let’s buy a home together.
With a LDR, you have to do that quicker. Doesn’t mean you have to execute that plan within the next year or so but you have to start PLANNING. Planning, planning, planning. So you can start working towards that goal in the end. So that you won’t be standing there at the end of the day shrugging your shoulders and going: Well, now what?
He understood and said it’s actually a very good question. Fast forward about an hour later and we kind of hit a wall. He kept saying he didn’t know what to plan for yet since he doesn’t have a job or degree yet, to which I kept asking what that had to do with us planning for later. We kept repeating ourselves and eventually I felt desperate and said: Ok, let’s just leave at this for now and you go sleep and think about it, we’ll pick this up later. After you’re fully rested.
However he said he wasn’t able to sleep at that moment because of the topic we had discussed. So he ended up being on a call with me for two hours, which resulted in him only being able to sleep for an hour and a half. But once again, that’s for later.
We went on with the conversation, in the meantime I had smoked about 10 cigarettes and already had dinner and we still didn’t get anywhere. We just kept repeating ourselves and once again, we had hit the same wall as before. I started to feel emotional. Because I felt like: If we are not going to be able to get across this wall, that’s going to be a HUGE problem. Because (I didn’t say it) it might resort in us not being able to make it happen and work it out. Resulting in… you know. I went up to my room and started sobbing. I told him we had to figure this out. Because it’s our future. I asked him if he really wanted this. Not just me, not just the fun, but the future. I am willing to make it happen and go all the way, but at this point I started to doubt his commitment. Which was a terrible feeling. When I started crying and told him I will not move to Taiwan and leave my mother behind, I think the realisation finally kicked in for him.

Up until this point in time I have always been the one out of us two who has been realistic about the future. I always knew one of us was going to have to sacrifice something and I always thought it would be me. But now I knew in the back of my mind it had to be him and I didn’t know if he was willing to do so. Him, as much as I love all of him, has been more of a dreamer. He likes to talk about earning big money, me moving to Taiwan, bringing my family there with us and living a good and happy life. Which I’m all for, of course. Dreaming is good, I love to dream, hoping is good, wishing is good.. but you have to be realistic as well. I’m not saying it’s not possible, what he wants.. But I did tell him that we cannot wait for my parents to say: Hmmm, maybe in 10 years we’ll want to leave everything we have behind and move to Taiwan for Naomi. We can’t be depending on them for OUR future. Because that’s what he made it seem like, that’s what he was waiting for. We had to have a plan B. That plan B involved us making an actual plan for ourselves. To start somewhere, and I did tell him: it would be great if in the end my parents decide that they want to join us, however we need our own plan. And this is it. This is where we have to decide what’s next. I realize that maybe I sound a bit egotistical when I say I can’t leave my mother behind. What’s different about his situation? However he did say that his family is bigger than mine(true), more financially stable than mine(also true) and that he still has his sister to take care of his parents if it all were to go down south. I have a brother but I know that he won’t take care of her if it went bad.

So after two hours of talking, and crying and stating our fears and emotions(yes both of us did), we finally got over that damned wall. He’s still going to finish his education, in the meantime I’ll start planning for a house here in the future, I’ll work on my job even more than I already did and try to earn more money, get a better contract. Which I already started with, but never really knew for sure if it would be for our future or just mine alone…
After his education it’s basically time for him to find a job, preferably find a job in Taiwan that has their company in both our countries, so he could move to my country, while having a job here that’s tied to his country. But even still, just any job really so he can start moving to The Netherlands. In the end he did say that I was the first person he ever really cared so much for, that he would never ask me to leave behind my mother for him. And also, that this conversation was badly needed and that it did light a fire underneath his ass. He now had more motivation than ever before to make it all work for us. Not just him, but now me too. So we ended up the conversation with a lot of love and positivity, as to not leave it at a serious, emotional wreckage of a call. Being able to both go to sleep at peace. Though I felt awful for him only having an hour and a half left of sleep, he said this conversation was needed. And he didn’t mind it, so long as we got through it. And we did.

So this post was super long and I didn’t want to add too many of the details because it would get even longer. However, the point is, we got through it. After a long time of climbing that wall, falling down it again, hitting that stupid effin’ wall for the 100th time and then finally, in the end, getting over the wall and being able to breathe a little more than before. The planning will never stop, the hardships will never stop, the serious conversations will never stop until we actually live together one day. I never had my doubts about us, or him. However, it crept up inside of me while we were talking and I was seriously afraid for us. Afterwards however, I realized yet AGAIN(I know I aaalways say this), how much I love him and that I never have to fear the worst from happening. At least, it will not happen because of lack of will power or lack of love. Never say never of course… but I will still say it πŸ˜‰ because I don’t want to say otherwise. So I have another post planned for today, something I’ve been thinking of doing for a while. Another tip and trick kind of post. It will definitely be a whole lot shorter than this one. So if you’re up for another read, stay tuned πŸ™‚

xoxo thanks for following me, thanks for being here with me through it and overall just thanks for being here, guys ❀ Have a lovely day !