If my LDR posts can help anybody out, I am already happy enough. Before I was in one, I used to read up on them as well. I’d just randomly Google ‘Long distance relationship’ and I’d usually end up on someone’s WordPress reading about their stories. So that’s sort of what I want to do for others as well. That’s what I want to do with my blog. Not every time, but every one in a while I’ll make a post about tips and tricks for a LDR. Now this post is not really a tip and trick kind of post, more so a post where I explain some of the things I’ve realized along the way. I’m not there yet, but it might help someone else out. Maybe someone who is not in a LDR will read this and go: alright, doesn’t sound that bad.
I used to be someone who said: “I will never do a long distance relationship. I can’t do it. I cannot be apart from my boyfriend for so long, I don’t have the money for it, nor do I have the will power for it all. If you want to go through it, be my guest. But I can never do it.”
Ahem… Here we are, like four years later and I’m in one myself. I realized: Yes, I can do a long distance relationship. I don’t make tons of money but I am still able to make it work with what I do have. It just takes more time. And will power? Boy, I have enough will power for the both of us if he didn’t have it.
So let me share some things I’ve realized along the way, up until this point. Some things might only be things I realized and maybe someone else will read this and go: Nuh-uh, not for me. Some things might be very obvious things to some. But may be something new to others. In any way, here it goes.
#1; You are GLUED to your phone. Your phone will be your best friend, it will be with you from the moment you wake, to the moment you pass out in your bed. Or wherever you pass out, I don’t judge 😉
This may seem obvious but sometimes I just think about that for a moment and go: Damn, I cannot leave my phone alone for longer than 40 minutes. I always check: is he up, has he read it yet, when was he last online, is he busy, did he say something. It’s always on me. Your phone is portable so that’s most likely the only thing you have that represents the communication with your partner. It’s the ONLY thing you have, that you CAN have with you at all times to be able to talk to them.
#2; Either one of you is always even a little sleep deprived.
This one doesn’t count for everyone because you may be in a LDR but still live in the same timezone. However for TY and myself, there’s a 6-7 hour difference. And anybody who has a bigger time difference than.. let’s say three hours, will get me on this one. Either you, your partner or even the both of you, will always be sleep deprived. Either you stay up for them, or they stay up for you. Or both. Anyway, sleep is not that important to you when you’re in a LDR.
#3; I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again: in a long distance relationship you are always, every day, confronted with your feelings and emotions. I honestly never thought it would be such a big deal. I always thought it would just all happen and my emotions and feelings wouldn’t really matter all that much. Oh, was I wrong for thinking that. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much ‘infront’ of someone I cared about. I don’t think I’ve ever thought so much about my feelings, as I do now. It can really suck but it can also be beautiful. Because once you both finally show that vulnerable side of yourselves to the other, you just feel so… understood. You feel like you’re both in it for the same reasons and you’re both struggling with it sometimes. You feel whole.
#4; Sometimes you can’t help but feel like you live in this bubble. What I mean by that is that most people around you do not and sometimes will not ever, understand you. They can’t understand your situation, they won’t understand it.. and it always kind of makes you feel distant from everyone else. Because when they talk about their husbands/boyfriends coming home and doing this and that, you can’t talk with them. But they can’t do the same with you. If you’re talking to them about something your partner has done for you, while being so far away from you, they just never really totally get it. And it’s not something that makes me feel terribly sad or anything, just every now and again.. you kind of feel like you’re alone in this bubble with your partner.
#5; You have to explain the same thing to everyone, over and over and over and..-
I think I have explained my situation to my coworkers and people around me a thousand times now. I have explained everything there is to (currently) know about me, him, us together, my feelings, his feelings, our feelings, our relationship and our plans for the future. However, every single damn time, the same people have the same questions for me. And I wonder: do you just not listen to what I’m saying, or do you just don’t get it? And part of me doesn’t mind because I get to sometimes educate people about it since there is always that ‘stigma’ about meeting people online and then dating them long distance. However, another part of me is getting kind of sick and tired of the repetitiveness that I face every day with people around me. This also ties in slightly with the previous point mentioned.
#6; People are always going to judge the hell out of you.
Case and point the stigma I was talking about. Just… always the judging from everyone. I was even a bit dissapointed when I was judged by a family member(not my parents, FYI) because I honestly thought out of everyone, they wouldn’t do such a thing.
#7; Prepare yourselves before you get yourself into a LDR because you’re always going to have to fight for what you stand for/what you want.
With judgemental people and the constant struggle of explaining everything over and over again, comes the energy you’ll need to fight for it all. People are going to try and drag you down, talk you out of it all, and make you feel like what you’re doing is weird and not right. It is right, I’m just not following the ‘social norm’. The social norm we all have to follow is: school, work, a house, find a loving husband/wife in your own country that’s the same race as you and then marry, have babies and die. What if I don’t want to follow that goddamn(sorry) norm you are following? What if I do it all the same, just different from you? I always have to tell them I’ll not back down. I’ll keep going until I’ve reached the end. I have to always tell people that: Yeah I do not know what the future brings but I sure as hell won’t give up and never figure that out.
It’s just a never ending struggle. However, it’s the best cause I’ve ever faught for 🙂
These may not all apply to everyone who reads this. But it might help someone out. I know for a fact that if I read these kind of things before I got into a LDR, it would help me. It would let me know beforehand: okay, this will not be easy, it will be tough as hell but I’m going all in for it.
Before, I’m not saying now, but before when I randomly stumbled upon a blog of someone who was in a LDR, I never saw the ‘bad’ side of it. Couples were always putting it on a pedestal and saying ‘Oh it’s great, the best thing ever to happen to me.’ and now I get that part of course! But where was the bad? Why did they leave that out. I always think: you need to be prepared for everything, also the worst. Now, I did find a lot of bloggers in a LDR that say that: no, it’s not always easy and it’s awful at times to go through it without your partner right next to you.
But back then, 2010/2011, I didn’t find that on here. So here is my point of view. And take it or leave it 🙂 Judge it all you want but I love my LDR. Flaws and all.