Why it hasn’t worked out with others

I didn’t think I’d make another post today, seeing as I’m actually very tired. However, I just had an amazing talk with my mother. We are very close and open towards each other. Though sometimes it may be a bit awkward that she’s so open with me, it does feel nice discussing things with her that way. While talking I realized something for the very first time. I said it out loud to my mother and a lightbulb went on. I knew why it never worked out with others.

As I was talking to her, I opened up the app: “Love D-Day”, that I mentioned in my “10 months” post. I saw that there’s only 37 days left until TY and I hit the 1 year mark. To which I smiled and said: “Oh my god, one year almost. That’s the longest relationship and only relationship I’ve ever had.” She smiled and agreed with me. TY is my first real relationship, however I have dated a few guys starting from the age of 18 and had a lot of crushes on guys when I was way younger. I was actually very young when I started to discover that guys can be more than friends. Having grown up with Disney movies and being a Virgo, which results in me being very naive sometimes, I always had dreams of “the one”. Also being the person that I am, I fall for someone fast and hard. Not meaning I give myself away physically because (maybe too much info) but I am still a virgin. And TY is the first guy I’ve even really made out with. I will probably regret going into so much detail, tomorrow, but remember right now I’m still in my “very-open-sharing-everything-and-doesn’t-care mood”. What I mean though is that I like someone very quickly. Just think about TY, the first time I saw him I was like: yup, he’s it. Because of this I have crushed on guys a lot. I think it started at the age of 8, in primary school. Now all of this was puppy love, however for me at that age it felt real.

I was always rejected. Always.

My mother and I started talking and she said she has never ever been rejected. My mother is also a Leo, for all you star sign lovers out there(like myself), so it would make sense my mother is a bit more dominant. However I am not, I’d say I’m more submissive. Though it sounds really wrong, I hope you guys understand what I mean. She then said she was also always the one who ended the relationships. And she’s been in a few, considering she’s 45. I was surprised to hear this and told her, even though I’m still very young, that I have always been rejected and was always the one who got dumped, messed over and rejected. We continued our talking, when at one point I said to her: “After I met TY however, I finally realized why it never worked out with the others before. Because when you get rejected so much, your entire life and not just by people you see as a potential love interest, you cling onto the next person for dear life, who shows interest in you.” After I said it, it all made sense.

Though it started the same for me with TY as it did with other guys. TY was, as cliche as it may sound, different. He liked me back. For the good reasons. He liked me for who I was. Not for my body, not for sexual favors. He liked me. All of me.
The other guys liked me for the wrong reasons. I can now slap myself across the face for being so naive before. As I said, the first guy who showed any bit of interest in me was mine. I didn’t do it on purpose but I clung to him immediately. Thinking: if I don’t, he’ll run away. And I’ll never find someone again because I always get rejected.
This also explains a part of my depression, where a lot of the thoughts I was having, had to do with me honestly believing I’d be “forever alone”. Which sucks if you come to think about it, considering I am a hopeless romantic who grew up with Disney movies and the dreams of her prince on the white horse who’d be the one. Basically all the cliches about love in one girl’s mind. I got it now however. That’s why it never worked out before. It was terrible that I did this though, because now I understand why the guys would mention sex and sexual related things whenever I’d be spending time with them. Not only that, it’s dangerous. It’s wrong. It’s bad. To feel like that and think like that. I feel stupid but also feel lucky for never having any big problems after being around guys like that. For example: giving in to them and losing my virginity to someone who is NOT at all worthy of it. Or ending up in a very very bad situation like that. I only just realized it, after talking to my mother about it.

Though it started the same with TY, it ended differently. He was in it for all the right reasons and showed me something I never experienced before: a guy who truly loves you.
After being around so many wrong guys, I thought that love was something that had to do with sex. That the reason it didn’t work out was me not giving them what they wanted. I thought it was normal. I thought that the guys would eventually change because they met me and I wasn’t like all of those other girls. I turned out to be partially one of all those other girls. I didn’t put out. But at the same time I did fall for it. Many times. Because so much rejection made me think so.
TY wants to genuinely know how I’m doing. If I’m upset, he won’t go to sleep before I feel better, even if he needs to wake up at 04:40 AM. He asks me about my day and my mother. He wants to see pictures of my face and tells me I look good. He held my hand while he was sleeping, and grabbed it again after I went to bathroom – after I washed my hands of course 😉 –
He wants me to try out new things, he doesn’t want me to give up on my dreams and he tries to help me achieve them. He encourages me when I do something and tells me that I can do it. He accepts that I’m not perfect and have a flawed personality. Flawsndstuff remember ?

That is love. That’s what I was looking for. That’s what I now have. I’ll be damned if I let anything or anyone take that away from me.
Sigh… Okay. Sharing too much Naomi is going to end this post here. I bid you all a good night ^~^

Advertisements

Be a *bleep*-ing gentleman

Hi guys and for today, there is no video, there’s just the post, that came directly from an angry girl’s mind. Let me further elaborate.

Here I am. A 20, almost 21 year old girl. I almost never wear skirts, dresses etc. but sometimes however, I do. Because you know what?-Summer. It’s hot as balls in my country and even when you have minimal to no clothes on your body, you still want to rip off your skin because it’s hot. Therefore I wear dresses now, skirts, tank tops. Basically clothes that reveal my bare arms, legs and upper chest/neck and shoulders.
I have a lovely boyfriend and even though we are not engaged, I keep my ring(one that I bought for myself FYI) on my left hand ring finger. Why? Because it shows or SHOULD show that I am TAKEN. That I have a man myself. That I am not interested in other men’s blunt and sexual advances. TY has not given me this ring, he has not told me to wear it on that particular finger but he knows I do this because I straight up told him I don’t want to deal with men like that. And it has helped me out a few times before. Where men just take a single glance at my ring and walk away without opening their mouths. But then there’s the occasional a-holes that just won’t let it go. Now if this only happened to me once or twice, I wouldn’t make an entire post related to this topic. However, this has happened to me so many times, starting from the age of TEN(!!!) years young. That I simply cannot let it slide any longer. What is it, with Western men and catcalling/following/intimidating/whistling and so on?! I say Western men because I’ve spent some time in the company of Asian men and in an Asian country, walking around every day with less clothes than I’ve ever worn in my own country. Still fully clothed, not showing immodesty, however less clothes and mostly less layers of clothes than I usually wear in my own friggin’ country. Not ONCE, have I been disrespected, cat called, whistled at, followed etc. by any of these men. Now each and every culture has their rotten apples and I cannot speak for the entirety of Asia. However, I can speak for the men I’ve seen, run into and met. All of which, have treated me with the utmost respect.

When meeting TY, he has not ONCE made a sexual comment, has not ONCE asked me if I wanted to see him naked(we all know what I’m talking about here), he has not ONCE done any of the above. He has treated me like a lady, not specifically a lady but a person. A human being. He’s interested in me, we are together now, still…. He treats me like a normal human being. Not like a piece of meat. Not like someone he can intimidate. Why is it, that Dutch men and western men do this on a daily basis?

I am sick and tired of walking on the streets. Just minding my own damn business and guys calling at me: “Hey sexy/Hey baby/Nice pair of boobs!/I’d like to take you out for a spin!/Want to sit on my lap baby?/Want to ride me?/I’d like to kiss you right now.” I have heard ALL of these. There’s two things I can do in this situation: walk on, ignore them and pay them no mind. What happens if I do that? They pull my arm, so that I’m now facing them. They whistle at me, they follow me while they keep on asking me why I’m not saying anything and why I’m ignoring them. While in the meantime, a whole flock of him and his friends are surrounding me until the point where I have no other choice than to run away, to safety.
If I choose to reply, saying something along the lines of: shut up/leave me alone/fuck off/just don’t. I’ll get called a slut, a whore, a cunt, ugly, disgusting, attention whore, drama queen. Or even worse, he or they will follow me, pin me down and intimidate the shit out of me.

If I go to the police about it, they can’t help me.. Because “nothing actually happened.” I have not been raped, I have not been beaten. So scram, little lady. If I place it ANYWHERE on social media or online, I get told I’m overreacting, I’m causing drama, I’m a drama queen, how I shouldn’t complain because I’m getting compliments, how all women act like they mind but they secretly love the attention….

How about, you shut the fuck up and realize that this is WRONG. It’s wrong that I live in a society where this is deemed normal and okay. It’s wrong that I have to fear going on the streets at any given time of the day, wearing dresses or when I’m covered in layers of clothing. It’s wrong that authorities don’t help solve this issue and tell us they cannot help us with this. That nothing actually happened. It’s wrong that guys think all women love it and that we should just shut up and take the compliment. That we should thank them for saying such sexual intimidating shit to us and make us feel like nothing but a piece of fucking meat for the men to hump and sexualize whenever they want to. It’s all fucking wrong. How about you take notes of the Asian culture, where respect is given. Where women are respected. Where guys are fucking normal and still have courtesy. Where guys can talk to women without having any other intention than actually getting to know them. Where family is important and having freaking goals too. Where I can walk the streets feeling completely and utterly safe. And here’s another thing… How about you learn to be a fucking gentleman.

*drops the mic*

Another 10 favorite Kpop songs

Warning: if you do not like Kpop, then don’t read ahead ^^ And wait for another post.
I have some more old and a few new songs I liked and couldn’t fit into the last post because it was already pretty long. So let’s jump right into it!!

Number One: miss A – Love Song

Number Two: 4MINUTE – Crazy

Number Three: MONSTAX – HERO

Number Four: Park Hyo Shin – Wild flower

Number Five: CL – THE BADDEST FEMALE

Number Six: 2NE1 – COME BACK HOME

Number Seven: 2NE1 – I AM THE BEST

Number Eight: 24K – Super Fly

Number Nine: MONSTAX – Trespass

And as weird as people might find him…. here he comes…

Number Ten: PSY – DADDY(feat. CL of 2NE1)

Hope you liked my list, and as always: you might not like it and that’s totally fine too. It’s just my choice of my most favorite Kpop songs ^^

My addiction..

Here it is, finally guys.. The video where I explain why I haven’t been very active on my blog lately. This video was made last Monday so my addiction has gotten even worse, and I’ve gotten a lot further into it .. And gotten better at it.

A friendship ended because of him Pt.2

This post is just a little bit more of some things I wanted to say/explain in the previous video. So if you haven’t watched that one, be sure to do so or else you might not get everything.
The video was, as you could probably tell, very messy. I was thinking about making it a regular post at first, however, I wanted to get my point across better. Though I did forget to mention a few things.

I chose TY and a relationship over our ‘friendship’ because there is a future for me with him. My friend and I could’ve also had a future together, like her coming to Taiwan to meet him or him coming here to meet her(for example). However, I will not want to marry my friend, I will not want to live with my friend. There is no future like that with a friend. There is a future like that however with TY. Now, as stated before, I don’t know how things will go but I do know we both want the same. We’re very mature in that part of life and we can only hope our plans will actually happen some day.

The part where I said I don’t regret anything and I don’t feel bad about making the decision I’ve made, I said that because even if TY wasn’t in the picture, our friendship would not have lasted either way. There were a lot of other problems we had and her being jealous and possesive wasn’t the only problem she had. I’m not saying she was all to blame because there have been made mistakes on my end as well. I have never been a 100% clear with her, saying: Okay, until here and no further. This is where my boundary is.
Because she was my only friend and at the end of the day, I just don’t like confrontation. We both made mistakes but I know the biggest issue that ended it all, was us growing apart. And I’ve had this happen COUNTLESS of times with all the friends I’ve had along the years. I feel like I’ve grown and moved on and all the ‘friends’ are standing still and not growing with me. Which is fine, however don’t try to drag me back down where you are. Don’t say I’ve changed for the worse, when I literally have only grown for the better.

There’s so many people that have exited out of my life so far and I know I’m definitely not the only one here. I am okay now, to say: I’ve only got 1 friend and my boyfriend. I’ve only got my co-workers to talk to on a daily basis and my parents. I’m okay with that, because most, if not all people pretend to be someone they are not. They pretend to be your friend and then they end up leaving you, they end up manipulating you, they end up being anything other than a friend. I’m more than happy to be in this situation right now and of course I’m always open to meet new people and end up gaining another pal. However, I will not, ever, let someone make decisions for me again. I will not let anybody tell me what I’m doing is wrong, when it is clearly not. I will not, let somebody take away my chances of being happy. I’ve done that before and I ended up feeling terrible for a very long time.

If you are in a situation similiar to this, know that you’re definitely not alone, not just me but surely countless of other people have dealt with this as well. Know that you are the one that gets to make decisions in your life. Know that if you’re happy then that is all that matters. Bro’s before ho’s, sisters before misters still goes here.. But only if they really are good friends and if they want the best for you. If they want to see you happy and see you do the things you want to do and try to help you achieve those goals and make those plans happen, then that’s a good friend. I have one of those good friends now and she’s actually someone from Middle School as well, whom I’ve been out of contact with for a few years… Surprise surpise, BECAUSE of that same girl I talked about in the video. Look back, reflect, smile or let out a tear and move on. It’s your life, your relationship, your decision. And never let anyone take that away from you because it’s the most precious thing you have in life 🙂

A friendship ended because of him..

Now befoooore I put the link to the video below, I’ll explain the title first a little bit.. I’ll go more in depth on it in the video itself..
1: I am not blaming TY for this, whatsoever.
2: This happened a year ago and I am completely fine with the decision I’ve made back then.
3: This video is out there for me to explain something and maybe to help some of you, who are going or went through the same thing.

This is a serious video, no jokes have been made here. It’s raw, had a lot of cuts because I tried to keep it mostly focused on the actual topic itself. I hope you guys enjoy the video in any way 🙂
And tomorrow I’ll upload another video that I made last Monday, explaining why I haven’t been very active on my blog. So watch out for that one too 🙂

Retail Rant!!!

The video ends at 12:34 . I’ve no idea why it went on for like ten more minutes because when editing, it did end at the right time, but for some reason after editing, it came out like this. Sorry for the possible confusion ! ^^”

After working in Retail for almost 4 years, I can say it is an interesting job. Not a day goes by without something happening. You learn more everyday, when you’re in a good store that is. You just see crazy stuff happening and  you meet crazy people. I have a love-hate relationship with working in Retail. This post/video is dedicated to the 9 different ANNOYING types of customers I’ve come across, whilst working. So in this video, I will be ranting and calling out some types of annoying customers. I hope you all will enjoy the video 🙂