Hi guys! So before I end this day and go to sleep, I wanted to share something with y’all 🙂
I somehow felt sentimental and remembered I once had a Dutch blog. That I started using when I was the age of eleven. I quit blogging there in 2013, right before I started with this one. Simply because the site I used was pretty much dead. There was nobody reading your posts and lets be honest, we write because we want to share our stories with others, right?
So I went back after all these years and saw my extremely horrifying way of typing. Naturally, this blog was full of childish comments, posts and stories. However, there were a few where I (also) went in a LOT of details about what was going on in my life at that time. I started reading up on some of it and came to the conclusion that from the age of 11 up until the age of 16, I went through a lot. I know I wasn’t overreacting in those blogposts because I’ve always been very honest. Both on the Dutch blog and on here as well. I also read a few things that I had deliberately tried to put away in my head. Meaning, that I actually forgot about these things that happened. Now this isn’t going to be a sad post, because hey, have you read the title? 😉 Good Karma.
I think, after 9 years, it’s time to look back and see how everything ended up well for me and my family. To see the result of the good karma I’ve built up throughout the years. To see the light at the end of that long and dark tunnel. Because sometimes, when you’re living your life, you don’t really get to see how everything turned out to be okay. Because you’re so busy living in the moment and working towards your goals and future. So let’s see what 11 year young Naomi had to say in her blog, and let’s see how this has changed.
2011: The first thing my eleven year old self was constantly typing about was missing her family. For the ones who read my blog on here, you probably don’t know this but I only have a few family members left. I used to have a very big family, but it fell apart after my grandmother passed away. She was kind of the link that kept the chain together. I only have my brother, mother, stepfather, uncle, his wife and his two daughters left, as family. I had a very hard time accepting this fact. I felt extremely sad.
2016: I no longer feel sad about this. I am glad that I still have my uncle, aunt and their two daughters. I’m grateful my brother, mother and I have made amends and that we talk again. I no longer feel the need to have those other people in my life because it’s for the better and I know this now. I’d much rather have a small family that loves each other without fault, than having a huge family that mistreats each other. I feel much more at peace without all the others.
2011: My father wasn’t entirely there at that point in my life and hurt me a lot when I’d be spending time with him. I didn’t know then, that three years later I’d have to end the contact between us for good, unless he’d do something about it to change this. He, however, never did.
2016: I can’t say I’m completely over my father, but I can say that I’m no longer heartbroken about this situation. My father will always be a father to me and it’s hard to let that slide. However, just like my family members whom I no longer speak with, I know it’s for the better. Without my dad in my life, I feel more at peace with myself. I don’t have these massive moodswings anymore and I can enjoy my life without him. I still have my mother and my stepfather whom I love dearly. And they’re all that I need right now 🙂
2011: The third thing was that I thought I was never going to have a boyfriend. I thought I was super ugly and I truely believed it too. I had major issues with the way I looked back then, and even starved myself daily. Not having a boyfriend bothered me for a very long time. I thought people would make a documentary about me named: The 50 year old Virgin.
2016: TY is pretty much my first real boyfriend. I’ve dated 1 guy when I was 18, for two months and only saw him 4 times in those entire two months. I had one guy when I was 19, whom I met at a bar I was at very briefly and made out with him(REGRETS!!!) on the first night. Never saw him after that anymore. I no longer feel like I’ll die a virgin, obviously because I have TY. It took a long time finding my prince, because I started looking at age 16, and I looked around desperately. Had to deal with a lot of rejections by guys I thought I loved but finally was blessed with my prince charming.
2011: My brother wasn’t part of my life at that time and he was also in a very dark place. This hurt me a lot back in the days and there seemed like there was no way we’d ever talk again.
2016: My mother, brother and I have made amends a year ago, and we still talk up until this day. Though my brother will always be a ‘special case’, we’re doing the best we can and he’s doing better than he’s ever been in all of these years. I’m proud of him and we are all slowly building up a long lost bond with each other. This too, has worked out in the end.
These are just a few things that I feel have changed for the better. The main reason I made this post is to look back again, with all of you and just take in all of the beauty that has occured in my life over the past 9 years. I was a child, I was naive and childish. However, the feelings I felt back then were real and unedited. Though I may have shared too much information on this old Dutch blog of mine, thankfully nobody ever read it haha.
The reason why this post is called good karma, is because I truely feel I’ve gotten this. Everybody goes through crap in their lives and if there’s anything that I’ve learned throughout the years, it’s that:
– Not everything goes the way you want them to.
– Usually when everything goes right in your life, something will go wrong.
– But, there will be better things at the end of your road.
Don’t let the darkness consume you. We all go through crap in our lives, sometimes it’s harder than the last time. However, you should never let it consume you. Don’t let it depress you. If you had told me 9 years ago, that ‘things will get better’, I would’ve shrugged it off; saying you’re just making it up to make me feel better. But here I am, 9 years later and I’ve gotten so much more good things in return for all the bad stuff that happened. Sure, it might be the age and the maturity level(even though sometimes I’m still very much a kid). However, I’m not going to forget all of what I’ve gained over these years. What I was able to replace.
In Conclusion: Life is a rollercoaster. Just go with the flow and see where it’ll take you 😉 You never know where you might end up one day. Goodnight, guys!