Losing and gaining

To me losing people, go together with gaining things. At the moment I’m gaining so much energy and willpower to work for school and I’m losing time to socially interact with my friends. All of a sudden all my friends want to hang out with me and do stuff, while knowing I’m in the middle of exams and studies. It kind of aggravates me, because I used to be a real people pleaser. And right at this moment, I can’t please anyone. I want to focus on my school now and if that means I’ll lose a few more ‘friends’, then so be it. I know that during exams and studying for them, you shouldn’t fully concentrate on that and lock yourself inside your room. And I’m not doing that either. I’m actually doing other things, just not hanging out with people.

I feel like, hanging out with people would make me lose precious time that I should be spending on working for school. Even though I’ve got this weekend off, that doesn’t instantly mean I should spend it with people. I say I don’t have time, but in reality I know I won’t make time. I never did this. When I say I don’t have time, people should just let it go and accept it. That’s who I am and what I’ve always done. If I do have the time, I’ll let you know.

It’s so hard to please people, and I’ve stopped doing that 24/7 a while ago. Doesn’t take away the fact that I don’t like to let people down. It doesn’t matter if you’re my old classmate, my best friend or family member. Making time for me, is only meant for the real important people in my life. I’ve dealt so much with jealousy among friends when I chose ‘to hang out with someone else for this one time’, that I kind of only make time for people I know won’t do this to me.

It’s me-time. School-time. Care-about-only-myself-for-once-this-time. Yep. All those hours I’ve got this weekend, are for me and me only!

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